Things you could say to validate and support patients experiencing psychological or emotional violence
(see Coercive control - psychological violence tactics tool for examples)
Select phrases that best align with woman’s experiences and mirror the language she uses.
Validation phrases:
These kinds of things are so often hidden from those outside the relationship. Things can look like everything in the relationship is good but at times that is not the case.
How do you feel when your partner does and says things against you? You may not realise it but this is abuse. Your partner has made you believe you deserve it and you certainly don’t.
It is a hidden abuse that happens to many women in all walks of life. You do not need to feel embarrassed. It is the abuser’s behaviour not yours which is wrong.
I believe you. You are not mental or crazy or need to be committed to hospital. You’re having a normal reaction in a very hard situation.
You are not the horrific and horrible person that your partner describes you to be no matter how hard they try and convince you otherwise.
One partner trying to control another does not sound like a safe relationship. Your autonomy is a basic right of all people. You do not deserve to be put down by a partner; they have no right to do that to you.
Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you owe them anything. It doesn’t make it okay for them to treat you the way they do.
The way your partner speaks to you is not acceptable. I understand how hurt you must feel.
This behaviour is abusive and is wrong. You have a right to leave even if there is no physical violence. There are people who can support you and listen to you despite what your partner says.
Abusive partners often attack how you look or how you mother. This is a common tactic and is not a true reflection of your body or your mothering.
This is a form of abuse that does not have to be tolerated although it is not physical.
You may feel a sense of shame. You are not lesser because of this. This is not your fault at all. This is not your burden to carry.
Seeing much less of your family and friends might be a tactic from your partner to isolate you.
You’re not imagining it and I want to support you to feel safer. I think you’ve been really strong.
I can contact someone to help you with what you are going through because emotional abuse is draining yourself within.