Things you could do to support patients experiencing family violence

These are direct quotes from women talking about what they want from health practitioners.

Here is a list of things you could do to support patients experiencing family violence under the themes of the CARE Model: Choice and control – Action and advocacy – Recognition and understanding – Emotional connection.

• Choice and control

  • Provide options, without pressure, for the person to consider. For example, rather than saying, ‘that sounds terrible, you have to leave, here’s a refuge’, instead, provide options that they could choose from that matches the situation she is in.

  • Somehow eliciting and guiding the conversation into, for example, ‘what have you tried?’, or ‘what do you need right now?’ instead of telling them what to do.

  • There's likely a lot of steps between realising you’re in it (an abusive relationship) and being physically, financially, emotionally able to leave. Navigate that path respectfully and empathetically.

  • They have to be given lots of choices (on) where they want to go, and what sort of help they’re going to get that shows there is a better life.

• Action and advocacy

  • Believe what I am saying and actually offer help instead of silly forms to fill out and send off. Some women might need practical help such as English lessons or driving lessons.

  • Offer for me to come back any time to discuss (my situation) further and offer suggestions for other places I could receive support/be referred to.

  • Practical advice on how to do things on my own (to manage the situation) like walking away, staying in different rooms in the house, not to answer back and get them more angry, but instead walk away to diffuse the situation.

  • I told my practitioner and he actually called a psychologist and booked an appointment for me on the same day. It was the best thing he could have done.

  • Ask “Shall we make regular appointments? It is free to come and see me so please come when you need.”

• Recognition and understanding

  • Labelling it (my partners behaviour) as abusive would help me to understand what I was experiencing.

  • Just being believed and also not being triaged in terms of how bad the behaviours are.

  • Just words to assure me that the practitioner is on my side, believes me and reinforces that just because the results of the abuse can’t be seen it is no less damaging and may indeed be even more damaging because the damage can’t be seen. It is easier to doubt it or blame yourself for taking it to heart.

• Emotional connection

  • Firstly, I would appreciate eye contact or non-verbal cues so I know they are listening to me, then I would like to hear “tell me more”. Not just expect bullet points. If and when we do open up, it is necessary to be allowed to get it all out not be cut off or hurried out for the next patient.

  • Show them that they are safe in some way to open up. Talk about emotional abuse not just physical. You can be too scared to talk to your partner so you become too scared to even talk to a doctor about it. Your partner can make you lose all your confidence and second guess everything. Health practitioners need to pick this up.

  • No words immediately after I told them about my relationship, as I am looking into their eyes to see if I can trust them before pouring out details. If I see that they take a deep breath and pause and (make) eye contact. A health practitioner I would disclose to is one that tells me “Yes I understand that feeling, clearly as I have been there. Talk to me. I am one with you.”