No Family In Australia

By Panda

My story of family violence began long before the day I finally walked out of my home, carrying my bruised and broken body. Like many familiar stories I was physically abused and manipulated from the first week of our 17 year marriage.

My ex husband and I had been arguing the evening before left. My ex drank himself to oblivion every weekend. Our home was a toxic environment. And weekends are the worse to live through but I learnt to live with this over the years. What came next however was particularly terrifying when I was trapped in the toilet, my body beaten to a pulp for six hours while our children slept in the hearing distance of my screams. Although the altercation started in the bedroom, I was terrified that I soiled myself and needed to visit the toilet where I was forced to stay for the next six hours where he blew punched at my face, head and upper body as well as counting to three and throwing a hiking boot aimed at my head. He would force me to kiss his feet and then kicked my head. It was a bizarre situation where he would worry about me catching a cold with the glass of water he previously thrown at my face when I asked for a some water. He would ask me to take my glassed off my face for fear of breaking them before he punched me in the face. Later on he would show me his bruised and ripped ( from the blows to me) blue collar workers hands and told me " look what you have done to my hands". He was completely out of control whilst I a victim, had to think on my feet and took control of the situation in order to minimize harm. He was threatening to cut my lips and tongue with a kitchen knife so that I could never give a blo@ jo# to another man. He was going to finish me in the morning so that I could not tell the police and split the family.

I walked out of the family home at 5 am after six hours of beatings from my ex husband when he fell asleep. When I looked in the mirror my body was bruised and swollen, not yet blue. I shook uncontrollably. My left pinky was broken and my jaw dislocated. Walked into the local hospital at 5.30 am and after spending some time there, with the help of a social worker, my two small children and I left for a women's refuge in an unknown location.

As if the situation wasn't bad enough whilst living with my ex, what followed was pure evil. The family court was a nightmare of a mine field to navigate myself through. I had no family in Australia and no income. I lived on Centrelink pension and for the next few years there was no child support nor family court settlement of assets from my ex. I was given the residency orders in the end and the children resided with me full time while my ex having access visits in the weekends. Although he was no longer controlling me directly, he still controlled me via my children. At one time after picking up the children for the weekend he rang me to say " guess what, we just had an accident and they are both dead" . The next few seconds seemed a life time before I was told that he was only joking. I later learnt that my children were regularly abused in his care during their visits, this they were too afraid to tell me until years later.

Others might have responded differently but I did not send my ex to jail. After a few weeks in the Women's refuge, having limited knowledge of my rights and not having enough family support, I took my two sons and drove to Queensland to escape, with my broken finger still unattended. I walked into the hospital at our destination and had the finger surgery immediately. The bones in my finger after three weeks was already reset and shortened that they had to be broken again during the surgery. I do not recommend any one experience the pain. By the time I had recovered from the surgery the evidence against my ex has became old and in any case I just wanted to move on. However once my ex had learnt of where I was living he had applied the court for relocation order. The judge asked me at the interim hearing whether I would return freely. " I will not return unless I am forced to your honour" I answered so the judge issued a warrant for my return which I complied with promptly. This was how I became a "wanted woman".

On my return to Melbourne we rented in a small unit. I enrolled my eldest son in a primary school and myself at Swinburne University and studied for an accounting degree. The family court drama continued. My eldest son was diagnosed with lymphoma the year I returned to Melbourne. Another intensive year of struggle ensued.

After six long years since I returned to Melbourne, I graduated from uni in Bachelor of Business ( Accounting and Business Law) with distinction honors. I went onto study Business Forensics in Melbourne University.

I now practice accounting , mostly in taxation. But I also assist women clients in divorce cases where it is known that they have been suffering from financial abuse. My eldest son has fully recovered from cancer. He has returned to his father since teenage and is estranged from me. He is an extremely angry young man and has been alienated from me by his father's poison. My younger son did go back and live with his dad for a few years but he has returned to me. I am still picking up the pieces , of the damage done to him and helping him heal.