Looking for hope

 I was in a relationship for 3months or less from the beginning to the very end it was ugly all over,
In the first 2weeks he gave me chlamydia
I'd never had a sti, or STD before I was devastated he tried to play it off as my fault
When I had proof of being tested before him
He never asked me to be his girlfriend just assumed I was
Started with calling me babe, the yelling begun when I became sick from chlamydia.
Everything was moving so fast his life style was fast,
Everything was his way and I just followed and I had my child 2years old battling the odds with me, hoping this guy will magically improve our living situation and hoping we will be loved and cared for.
Being a single mum it's hard for me to be told advice from another parent especially one that has older kids
And in his set ways of how he raised his children
Where as I have tried to love and nurture my baby
One of the reasons I left my sons dad is cause I felt like he took away all my precious moments as a first time mum
Now I had met a man 10years older then me trying to tell me how to put my son to bed and
What seemed like was wrong to have a child come to you to sleep safely next to you...
I saw flags but thought keep going
We went on a job that required 24hours driving to the destination
12hours into our drive we arrived at a hotel
The next morning things went horribly wrong
We become intimate and he finished before me, so I asked to be finished and he began to finger me and after awhile It wasn't enjoyable so I said for him to stop and he pulled out too quickly and he knows not to do that as it is painful, in my quick response I slapped his back, instantly he said how I had hurt him and then I said I didn't mean it, it was a playful slap, like warning to say " hey that really hurt"
In that he shoved me across the bed I instantly got up, he started to appoligise and said don't cry I grabbed my things and headed to the bathroom still crying,
I come out and started to make a cup of tea
And headed for the hotel door to sit outside
He said something and I turned and pointed told him you can beat me black and blue and yell and hurt me but don't ever do it whilst I'm naked and vulnerable

He kept telling me how I shouldn't of slapped him and
The sentence he said next rattled me

"I can't remember every little thing about your body, it's not always about your needs"

I told him when I am inlove with someone i make sure their needs are met every day and every hour
2 body's are meant to be intertwined together and flow together
I remember everything about you and how not to upset you
But you can't even remember how not to hurt me in the bedroom
Eventually I walked out and sat outside sobbing
Lost 12hours away from home no money, no help and no idea what the do,
The rest of the trip was awkward and hard
He even questioned me why I was still crying at times
The way home was worse he got me to drive and I was trying my hardest not to crunch the 3rd gear in his truck as it was faulty
I put the truck to a halt
He yelled at me for it, there was no one around
I told him I'm not driving this truck anymore he told me "don't be such a sook"
I felt like I had to hold back from saying anything
Nothing I said mattered
I drive for a few hours and pulled over eventually and we swapped
I faked I was asleep for the rest of the night until we got closer to home.

We got back went to bed and then I went back to my own house and slept the day away
From then I knew it was time to get away from this bloke...
I have so many stories to tell of different men and women and now I wish I could start a blog and feel heard and seen as my mind cannot take it all anymore...